Have you ever wondered what it’s like to travel across the American West without having to drive yourself or worry about a single itinerary detail? Our recent 16-day Travels With Theresa tour zigzagged through seven states, nine National Parks, and one Buc-ee’s. With Clay (our Driver), Theresa (our lead), and me (our tour directror) working together, we took 36 people throughout the west a lot more smoothly than the poor pioneers who followed this route just a 150 years before.

From Denver to Las Vegas, we visited Mount Rushmore, Yellowstone, Bryce Canyon, the Grand Canyon, and more. It was the kind of trip where you wake up not quite sure what state you’re in, but you know your bag better be packed and ready to go by 8am. Here’s the whirlwind recap of our unforgettable journey.

Day 1: Denver

The group touched down in Denver and hit the ground running. After a quick reminder that “this is a tour not a vacation”, I shared a list of all the conspiracy theories surrounding Denver International airport: underground tunnels that serve as bunkers crawling with aliens and lizard people; an array of strange symbols linked to the Illuminati and the New World order; Sinister murals that hint towards the world apocalypse; And a murderous blue horse with red eyes known by locals as Blucifer. I finished by promising that, despite this intro, the rest of the tour would be more National Geographic channel and less History Channel.  

Our welcome dinner included 24 ounce margaritas and the first of many oversized meals, that would be provided three times a day, to people who often eat just one!

Day 2: Buc-ee’s and Fort Laramie

After a quick lesson in bus etiquette (Rule #1: You can use the bathroom in the back, but leave only coffee, not donuts), we hit the road. A stop at Buc-ee’s gave us a good toilet break and a chance to pick up lunches for a picnic at Fort Laramie. For those who’ve never been, Buc-ee’s is a tour director’s dream, with over 20 toilet stalls for men AND women. 

Lunch came with a dose of frontier history, followed by an introduction to the Great Plains and all the people who struggled to survive there. As we headed through the Black Hills on the way to our hotel, I reflected on the treaty that exempted them from all white settlement forever. 

Day 3: Mount Rushmore and Crazy Horse

Mount Rushmore, Crazy Horse, and Custer State Park were today’s visits. We did a short hike at Mount Rushmore (that included 422 stairs), ate lunch at Crazy Horse, then went on a bison-spotting Jeep safari before enjoying a good old fashioned cookout. Fortunately, the meat was not from the bison grazing on the hills above us. Today’s lesson: Do not pet the fluffy cows!

Day 4: Deadwood and Devils Tower

A tour of Deadwood took us to Mount Moriah cemetery where we saw the grave of Wild Bill Hickok buried next to Calamity Jane. We learned that prostitution was legal here until 1980 and that gambling was later legalized in 1989.  

After lunch, we stopped at Devils Tower for some ice cream and pictures with the mountain that mesmerized Richard Dreyfus in Close Encounters of the Third Kind. While I gave the scientific explanation of how this basalt monolith came to be, people prefered the Native American version of a giant bear scratching the rock in its attempt to climb up and eat the young children who’d wandered off despite their parents warnings. 

We got to Sheridan early so I took a large group for a walk around the beautiful city park and the downtown area. Although the famous King’s Saddlery was closing for the day, we were able to sneak in and get a peak at all the custom made saddles and western wear. Dinner that evening was something unexpected in the middle of Wyoming: a Japanese steak house, but it had the one thing that made it fit into Wyoming: steak.

Day 5: Little Bighorn and Cody

We paid our respects at Little Bighorn then lunched at a lodge in the Bighorn mountains, following the escape route that the Native Americans took after their victory. They must have known even then that they had won the battle but would lose the war. Outside the restaurant, our tourists from Florida got their first glimpse of a moose.

We spent the night in Cody, attending a cowboy buffet and Western show. It’s a great presentation of the life of the first Americans who struggled to survive in a place where the Native Americans had lived comfortably for years. Music spanned from cowboy ballads to modern funk so that everyone had at least one song they liked.

Day 6–7: Yellowstone

Yellowstone was a chance to learn about the four geothermal features still percolating beneath the largest supervolcano on the planet. We walked along a boardwalk where you could look into geysers, steam vents, mud pots, and hot springs. We picnicked with elk next to Yellowstone lake, hiked to see the Grand Prismatic pool, and spotted numerous wildlife on both days. It was our last evening on the east side of the continental divide, which we would cross three times the next day. There’s even a lake at the precipice, which flows both directions: to the Atlantic and the Pacific.

Day 8-9: Grand Tetons

The Tetons showed off with their jagged grandeur, and I surprised everyone with some trivia: the first ascent of the Grand Teton was made possible by grasshoppers. A swarm of grasshoppers got so cold when flying over the Tetons that they dropped from the sky. Their warm bodies created divots in the ice that the mountaineers were able to use to complete their treacherous ascent. At Jackson Lake Lodge, I joined two of our guests for cocktails with a postcard view of the Tetons in the Blue Heron Lounge. The rest of the group enjoyed lunch at the Pioneer grill, rumored to have the longest lunch counter in the world, serpentining a full 210 feet!

Day 9: Snake River Float trip and Jackson Hole

Today’s float trip brought serenity and views of the Teton range as we drifted down the Snake river. No mishaps as none of the rapids exceeded a Class 1. Surprisingly, it’s farmers from Idaho that control the flow of the river as the top 14 feet of glacially formed Jackson lake is considered their reservoir. Water rights in the west are a complicated business!

We had our second Mexican dinner and another set of margaritas tonight. For those who don’t know, margarita means daisy in Spanish. After dinner, several of us took the gondola to the top of Snow King resort and enjoyed a nightcap while watching the sun set over the Tetons and the town of Jackson. 

Day 10: Great Salt Lake

A scenic drive over no fewer than three mountain ranges brought us to Salt Lake City with a stop in Logan for lunch. Along the way, we traversed a part of the Oregon trail, and I told them how the town of Montpelier, Idaho was proud to have the last standing bank robbed by Butch Cassidy. Several towns along our route must have had high aspirations for themselves with names like Paris, Geneva, and St. Charles. The latter could at least claim having been the birthplace of Mount Rushmore sculptor Gutzon Borglum, whose polygamist father stopped there instead of continuing on to Oregon. I wonder whose idea that was? 

Before a city tour with some well-versed Mormon history, we stopped at the Great Salt Lake. Though no one tested their buoyancy by swimming in the lake, a couple took their shoes off and got to experience mud squishing between their toes. As they gazed into the murky water, they could see the millions of brine shrimp swimming in the shallow waters, though no one opted to take home any sea monkeys. 

Day 11: Bryce Canyon

A long drive transitioned our tour from mountainous national parks to their inverted cousins: canyons. Bryce Canyon provided otherworldly rock formations, called hoodoos, because native Americans believed them to be humans that were frozen in stone for their bad deeds. I took five of the most adventurous of our group on a hike to the bottom of the canyon. Climbing the 700 feet back out is probably what turned off half the original ten who’d expressed interest. I was happy to hear from the group I’d taken that it had been the highlight of their trip.

Day 12: Zion and Lake Powell

Zion provided grandeur and one last look through its historic tunnel before large vehicles are banned next year. Several bighorn sheep welcomed us as we drove past the massive cliffs of Navajo sandstone, evidence of the largest sand dunes in the history of our planet. 

Before heading into Page, Arizona, we walked over the Colorado river on the bridge that takes you to the dam visitor center so we could use the dam bathrooms before touring the Glen Canyon dam. From our vantage point, we could see the final step in the Grand staircase, a cascade of sedimentary rock dropping in a series of five layers and 2000 vertical feet from Bryce Canyon to the Grand Canyon.

Day 13: Grand Canyon

After a scenic plane flight over Lake Powell and Horseshoe Bend, we rolled into the Grand Canyon like seasoned adventurers. The South Rim was jaw-dropping at every one of the viewpoints. We stopped several times, since you can only see about 20% of the 300 mile long canyon from any of the viewpoints. 

That night, another steak dinner and birthday cake to celebrate two birthdays on tour. The next morning, a few brave souls took a helicopter ride over the Canyon while the rest caffeinated and tried to remember what time zone we were in.

Day 14: Route 66

Seligman and Kingman added Route 66 flair to our final leg before we pulled into Las Vegas, a metropolis built within the Mojave desert, one of the driest in the world. At least it gave us to see Joshua trees and the Hoover dam, built to power and hydrate the city. Dinner at Top Golf was a hit—even for those who were just happy to make contact with the ball, though some of us found our greatest joy in trying to hit the ball collector.

Day 15: Las Vegas

Our last day included free time to explore (or nap) before we reunited at a Brazilian steakhouse for dinner. I reminded everyone not to fill up on the salad and pasta that they bring first but to hold out for the high quality meats they bring once you’ve filled up on chicken and sausage. 

Our final activity was attending “Vegas: The Show”, which documents the history of Vegas entertainment from chorus lines to sequined leisure suits. On our way back to the hotel, Clay took us along the strip, which was a lot more comfortable than walking it in the 100 degree night time heat. 

Day 16: Home

Bags packed and hearts full, everyone headed to the airport the next day with souvenirs, photos, and a lot of dirty laundry. Before saying good-bye to me, one guest commented, “I came for the scenery, but I’m leaving with 35 new friends.” Theresa puts together a fantastic experience and works tirelessly to make sure everything runs smoothly. I love seeing my tour family each year and recently realized we spend more time together than I do with my actual family.